Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Watch Out You're Next!

Most of you have read the scare-mail about the person whose kidneys were stolen while he was passed out. Well, read on. While the kidney story was an urban legend, this one is not. It's happening every day. My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago It was just that quick. I went to sleep in my body and woke up with someone else's thighs. The new ones had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Who would have done such a cruel thing to legs that had been mine for years? Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans and Sheer Energy pantyhose.

Then, just when my guard was down, the thieves struck again. My butt was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear end to the thighs they stuck me with earlier. I couldn't believe that my new butt was attached at least three inches lower than my original Now,my rear complimented my legs, lump for lump. Frantic, I prayed that long skirts would stay in fashion.

It was two years ago when I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was fixing my hair and I watched horrified but fascinated as the flesh of my upper arms swung to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush.

This was really getting scary. My body was being replaced one section at a time. How clever and fiendish. Age? Age had nothing to do with it. Age is supposed to creep up, unnoticed, something like maturity. NO, I was being attacked repeatedly and without warning. In despair, I gave up my T-shirts. What could they do to me next?

My poor neck suddenly disappeared faster than the Thanksgiving turkey it now resembled. That's why I decided to tell my story. I can't take on the medical profession by myself. Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee. That really isn't plastic that those surgeons are using. You KNOW where they are getting those replacement parts, don't you? The next time you suspect someone has had a face "lifted", look again. Was it lifted from you? I think I finally found my thighs--and I hope that Cindy Crawford paid a really good price for them!

This is not a hoax. This is happening to women in every town every night.

P.S. I must say that last year I thought someone had stolen my breasts. I was lying in bed and they were gone! As I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. So now I keep them hidden in my waistband.

I am not afraid of life storms like I used to be, for I am learning how to sail my ship.

I wish I could say that I wrote this but I didn't. It was was too funny not to share and I was hoping it would boost my ratings!


shellie said...

So how do I pass this on to my friends? I think we have been going through the same thing! I'm gonna start looking closer when I watch a movie and see who has got my stuff. It's just wrong. I think someone keeps taking my husbands hair too, just a little at a time.

Glen said...

Been there, done that. Mom

Anonymous said...

You've stolen someones thighs?

Pineapple Princess said...

Now, whose thighs did mom steal?

Anonymous said...

Okay Bon Bon,

You can't get me all excited with your funny blogs and then leave me hanging like this. . .I know you have some new material, so let's see it!


Anonymous said...

That was absolutely hilarious! I was thinking you were quite clever to come up with it, but you were honest enough to not copy without admitting it. In either case, thanks for sharing, and I'll make sure tonight that I keep a close hold on my... my... wait, I think they've already switched everything of mine. It's all been replaced already, and there's nothing left to protect. I've wondered what happened; thanks for cluing me in so that I have an explanation for the mysterious changes in my body. And here I always figured it must have been from having babies, overeating, not exercising, getting older, etc. I'm glad to know the truth now, at least, that it wasn't my fault. Now, wait, though... how did Shauna come out so lucky? They've been upgrading her! ;-) --Tami