By their smells ye shall know them

We used to have a tradition on Sunday morning. The girls would get all prettied up and then right before we left for church, they got to pick a smell-good lotion and put it on. This all changed when we moved into my parent's home and started attending their ward. In this ward there is a lady who is allergic to perfumes. She literally will faint at the smell of them. She has to sit by an exit so that she can leave the room if she needs to. The ward leaders have kindly asked each ward member not to wear any perfume, aftershave, not even to use dryer sheets with their Sunday attire etc. I would try really hard not to wear anything but there were times that I would need to cover up my not-so-fresh body odors as I may have missed my morning shower before church (not because I slept in) and I would put something on thinking to myself, "I hardly ever see her anyway. I will just make sure to steer clear of her." It never failed. When I broke the rule, I would be sure to run right into her. My biggest flub happened on a Sunday that was no different than any other. As we were walking into church I could see it, but I could not stop it. The meeting had already started (a Sunday that was no different than any other) and the kids were running walking very fast to the front of the chapel. I could see the antiperfume lady sitting in the row right in front of the row my kids chose. There was nothing I could do. I filed into the row, past the kids, practically brushing against her until I found myself a seat. I closed my eyes and prayed for a breeze to blow in from somewhere and keep my scents from drifting toward her nostrils. The Lord did not see fit to bail me out of this one as the breeze did not come fast enough. She gathered up all of her grandchildren with a disgusted nauseous look and moved to the other side of the chapel.

At one point I began to think she was over exaggerating until one Sunday I saw this poor woman spread eagle on the floor right outside of the sacrament meeting with a distraught elder good Samaritan trying to make her as respectable as possible all the while fanning the air around her until she would come to. From that day, I have not worn perfume to church. All of my kids have had to give up their one day that they got to pick a special lotion to wear on Sunday. It has taken awhile, but the ward building does not smell like Bath and Body anymore.

Chapter 2

This Sunday we slept in. I looked at the clock as I rolled over in bed and realized that the congregation was probably singing the opening hymn and that there would be no possible way we would make it. (Do ya think?!?) ANYWAY back to the story at hand. We never sleep in like that and felt kind of bad. As the kids were doing the no-church-this-week-dance, Rob had the brilliant idea that we should get ready and go to Susie's ward. I am not sure which girl it was but they shouted that "hey we can wear smell-goods again!" This brought great excitement for church, more than had been known in all the land before. So it was. As we were getting ready for church the first girl put this on:

The second little piggy girl put this on:

The third little piggy cried weeee all the way home put this on:

The fourth girl put this on:

I got to finally wear this:

(Dolce Gabbana Light Blue, if you could not tell)

There was no holding back. We sprayed a spray here and rubbed a too-much amount of lotion all over. Even the two men of the house joined in with their goods. As we all met out in the car to leave for church, I began to feel lightheaded. There was a multicolored cloud surrounding the car. It smelled like the ocean and oranges and limes and coconuts and spices and whatnot. The feeling was even more overwhelming as we walked into church and the cloud that was following us mixed in with the one that was already there waiting for us, for this was not a ward who practiced the no-smell-goods. I wondered if I might pass out...