Friday, February 29, 2008

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Clinic Note

PATIENT NAME: Bertha Magilicutti (name has been changed to protect the afflicted).

CHIEF COMPLAINT: See history of present illness below as there is not just one complaint.

HISTORY OF PRESENT ILLNESS: This is a 21-year-old female who presents today with a myriad of complaints. She states that since starting her job she has noticed increased itching all over. It really depends on the day but mostly when she is transcribing dermatology reports. She also describes low back pain and knee and ankle pain mostly when she is transcribing bone, spine and joint clinic notes. She states that she is worried that her kidneys are not working properly especially since she "transcribed a report of a patient who had acute chronic renal failure." When questioned further about this fear of her own kidneys failing, she stated that yes, her own kidneys do seem to bother her at times. Ms. Magilicutti asked questions regarding cholecystitis as she feels that she may have cholelithiasis. The patient coughed several times throughout the examination and stated that she is sure she is coming down with bronchopneumonia.

PAST MEDICAL HISTORY: Surprisingly unremarkable.

SOCIAL HISTORY: Patient is married and has five children. She does not smoke and denies recreational drug use. She does not drink but wonders if this might be helpful for her at times.

PHYSICAL EXAMINATION: This is a 21-year-old female in no acute distress. She appears older than stated age but otherwise looks normal. Neck is full in range of motion although examination was limited by the patient's lack of cooperation. She admits that she is afraid it might damage her spinal cord as she "thinks she has read about this happening." Speech output is within normal limits. She kept saying things like "arss" and "beaver dam". Neurologically, Ms. Magilicutti was alert and oriented to person, place and time. Lungs: Clear to auscultation bilaterally. Abdomen: Soft, nontender, nondistended, obese. Skin: Normal appearing. Extremities: Within normal limits.

MEDICATIONS: Prayeren t.i.d. and then on a p.r.n. basis, Scrpiturelyn 1-2 times daily and then on a p.r.n. basis, hugitol twice from each family member and then on a p.r.n. basis, Blogilyn read 20 posts each day and write one twice a week, Commenton 100 each day (note: any less and she believes she will not make it).

ALLERGIES: Dirty dishes, dirty laundry, dirty kids, dirty dogs.

IMPRESSION: New onset hypochondriac.

PLAN: Continue to take current medications as this will definitely ease her symptoms. I will also refer her to the loony bin. If she has any other questions she may feel free to contact my office.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

I'm just not getting it

I realized it was time for a new post tonight. I searched my brain high and low for any good news, funny thoughts, anything entertaining, OR JUST ANYTHING. But it's just not happening. I have sat her for 40 minutes waiting for something to pop into my head. I have twittled my thumbs, checked Google Reader 20 times hoping that there was a new post to read while I was waiting, I checked my email and saw her, her, her, him and him in commentland, I tried to start a game on her blog, and yet there is still nothing coming. Perhaps my 8 hours a day in MT land is not so good for my creativity. I think I have sprained my brain this past month trying to make sense of doctor gibberish (no offense D and P). On this subject, may I please ask the doctors out there to please speak clearly and loudly into their recording thingys when they are dictating reports and if they need to cough, sneeze, burp or hiccup to do so without trying to dictate at the same time, and will they please spell out all names of any doctors they dictate and will they please spell out all names of prescription drugs and please spell out any hard words and please dictate all of the headings for me so that I don't have to guess where they go and please remind me that the punctuation goes inside the quotation marks and will you please tell my QA person (because she hears your reports too) that I am really good and that she doesn't have to be soooo picky and that you think I am ready to graduate and that she really does want to recommend me for a job already! Thank you!

Now onto my post for the night...

I've still got nothing!

So enjoy some pictures of the fam and pray for my mushy brain to recover.
The kids are making snow forts in the back yard.

It is two against three.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

This too shall pass...

We had the snowstorm of the century last night. It was a mess! The wind was blowing snow everywhere. There was zero visibility and giant snow drifts all over. Rob was supposed to go to work and was trying to wait it out. Finally an hour after he was supposed to leave he decided to brave it and he headed out. This is what it might have been like for him as he made his way to the freeway.

As you can see in this picture the giant drifts that were created in a short amount of time. They were everywhere. There were cars that were caught in these drifts and hundreds of rescue efforts trying to get to people stuck in the snow.

As Rob was driving 25 miles an hour he was listening to reports of the chaos everywhere. They were pleading with people to stay home unless there was an emergency. They couldn't take anymore messes. Rob was trying to see the road and was spinning the front tires of the van just to get it up the hill. He called to tell me he was going to turn around at the next opportunity. That opportunity came and left as it was blocked by a snow drift. It was terrifying for him and myself as I talked to him. He finally came upon the next available exit and had to gun it through the snowdrift blocking it. As he tried to get back on the freeway heading home he saw that it was blocked also. There was a semi stuck in the snowdrift that was blocking it. He pulled into the nearest gas station to assess the situation and try to figure out how he was going to get home. He was among the thousands of stranded motorists who were not going ANYWHERE. He was gearing up to spend the night in the van at the gas station. He was only 10 treacherous miles from home but he couldn't get there. Thirty minutes later he notice a snowplow coming. He gave a sigh of relief as he realized that the snowplow was going his way. He got behind him and followed him all the way to the home exit.

As I placed myself in his shoes I thought of the agony of getting back onto that road and making that terrifying journey home. I don't know that I could have. The roads were so dark, uncertain and dangerous. But yet if Rob wouldn't have he would never have gotten back home. It was a cold and despairing thought.

There are often dark moments in life and as we face them we have to realize that we need to move forward. We may not be able to do it alone and we may need a snowplow to show the way when there is zero visibility, but if we don't take those opportunities when they come then we may become entrapped as the motorists below.

Rob and I realize that we have had many snowplows show us the way. We are grateful to each and everyone of them. We hope you know who you are.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

Breaking News!

Your help in uncovering a suspected underground counterfeiting ring.

Evidence seized: 1 fake blog.

Suspects in no particular order:

Suspect # 1

Mule Guy
Last seen fleeing with his offspring and trophy wife. Headed west by mule train.

Evidence gathered:
Was disappointed in the arrival of the last blog family member. His obvious quick flight from home is also condemning.

Suspect #2

Trophy Wife.
She is believed to have separated from the mule train and taken on a new identity. We believe she will be back to get the rest of the family if she finds success.

Evidence against her:
She is not really a suspect. We just need to talk to her. She is a person of interest.


Suspect #3PiP, Blog Mother to us all.
Evidence against her:
1. It is known that her motto is "must convert everyone."
2. She has been known to produce and force feed blogs to members of her family who were not already blogging.
3. She has a royal mark that has shown up on said blogs.
4. She did not DISCOVER the new blog until late in the evening. AS IF


Suspect #4Shellbell
Evidence against her:
1. An incriminating quote was left on the fake blog suggesting that she was the favorite sister, when we all know that the detective in this case is indeed the favorite sister.
2. It has been rumored that she is the ring leader. An anonymous source has testified to her constant barrage of temptations to create counterfeit items. This source has admitted to sinning repeatedly at the request of this suspect.


Suspect #5


Evidence against her:
The contents of said fake blog resemble other works of hers uncovered in a family newsletter dated back in 2007.


Suspect #6


Evidence against her:
She seems innocent enough but when questioned she broke down in tears. We do have her in custody already. She is positioned next to suspect #7.


Suspect #7


Evidence against him:
This one has really got us baffled. There is definitely motive in that he was recently provoked by the victim after he had pleaded with her to join on her own. We don't know if he would have started this blog to get back at her or because he really wanted her to join so badly that he would create a virtual Q-sie to satisfy his need for her participation.

He was seen leaving to join the mule train. It is believed that he will be back for the rest of the family after they scout out a hideout. We do believe he will attempt to break out Cinderalla from her holding cell. We have added extra security there.


Suspect #8


Evidence obtained:
She claims that she did not do it, and she almost got off the hook but her husband gave us incriminating evidence that can not be divulged at this time due to the fragile nature of this confession. Let's just say, she has more time on her hands than we think!


Suspect #9:

Q-sie herself.

Evidence obtained:
It has been said that she repeatedly promised to get the internet in her home to be among us in Blogland. In her own words, "I need to get the internet. That's all there is to it!" We do know at this time that she WAS thinking about it.


Suspect #10:

The Tamster

Evidence against her:
She has a gangsta type handle that is incriminating enough. She seems all innocent and all but we find that these are usually the ones we're looking for.


Suspect #11


Evidence against him:
A written confession on two different accounts. It is said that he has asked for the passwords of various blogs and we have been keeping our eye on him for quite awhile. Prior to this news release he was spotted in the following locations, each time in a different escape vehicle. Please be on the lookout for any one of these outfits:

Cincinnati Ohio

Orlando Florida

Salt Lake City, Utah

Arlington, Virginia

Somewhere across the boarder


Suspect #12


Evidence against her:
She was the first to comment on this fake blog and therefore is an obvious suspect. As convincing as her comments were, we have to assume she was covering up!


Suspects # 13 and 14

Victim's own parents.

Evidence against them:
They were the FIRST to stumble upon this fake blog. They tried and were unsuccessful at leaving the first comment. Their motif includes but is not limited to:
1. It is common knowledge that suspect # 3 has been schooling them in the arts of blogging.
2. They have been the victims of such counterfeit attacks in the past. Maybe a little payback was in order.
3. And last but surely not least, the need to have everyone of their 10 children "with " them on their mission.


Please help us in locating these suspects as we would like to question each of them and find out what their involvement in this fake blog would be, if any.

Please take a moment and make sure you have voted for the guilty. Make sure you vote your conscience!