Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Our Halloween Night

Guess BOO? Oh, I mean witch Gooch sister dressed up as a BooB for Halloween?

How many ways can YOU spell Boo?B

Will the real BooB please stand up?



Many a spooks were out tonight!
We knew before we entered the big scary world of pirates and witches...

we would need someone to protect us...

But they had to prove themselves worthy to be our protectors...

Of course they couldn't do it without their ferocious sidekick Boo!!

Now that the royalty would be protected...

we made sure they would not feel the pangs of hunger...


Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Watch Out You're Next!

Most of you have read the scare-mail about the person whose kidneys were stolen while he was passed out. Well, read on. While the kidney story was an urban legend, this one is not. It's happening every day. My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago It was just that quick. I went to sleep in my body and woke up with someone else's thighs. The new ones had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Who would have done such a cruel thing to legs that had been mine for years? Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans and Sheer Energy pantyhose.

Then, just when my guard was down, the thieves struck again. My butt was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear end to the thighs they stuck me with earlier. I couldn't believe that my new butt was attached at least three inches lower than my original Now,my rear complimented my legs, lump for lump. Frantic, I prayed that long skirts would stay in fashion.

It was two years ago when I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was fixing my hair and I watched horrified but fascinated as the flesh of my upper arms swung to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush.

This was really getting scary. My body was being replaced one section at a time. How clever and fiendish. Age? Age had nothing to do with it. Age is supposed to creep up, unnoticed, something like maturity. NO, I was being attacked repeatedly and without warning. In despair, I gave up my T-shirts. What could they do to me next?

My poor neck suddenly disappeared faster than the Thanksgiving turkey it now resembled. That's why I decided to tell my story. I can't take on the medical profession by myself. Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee. That really isn't plastic that those surgeons are using. You KNOW where they are getting those replacement parts, don't you? The next time you suspect someone has had a face "lifted", look again. Was it lifted from you? I think I finally found my thighs--and I hope that Cindy Crawford paid a really good price for them!

This is not a hoax. This is happening to women in every town every night.

P.S. I must say that last year I thought someone had stolen my breasts. I was lying in bed and they were gone! As I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. So now I keep them hidden in my waistband.

I am not afraid of life storms like I used to be, for I am learning how to sail my ship.

I wish I could say that I wrote this but I didn't. It was was too funny not to share and I was hoping it would boost my ratings!

Monday, October 22, 2007

Mother, You're An Angel

I love music. I love the emotions it brings out in me and the way it makes me feel.

Well... I found this great song on KZION. It's called, Mother, You're An Angel. It's a feel good lullaby-like song sung between a child and her mother. You have probably heard it in sacrament meeting by the young women and their mothers.

Anyway, I told Rob that this would make the perfect brainwashing song. So each morning while the kids are getting ready for school, I get onto KZION and request it. (It usually makes the top ten requested song because of me, sorry everyone on KZION.) When it comes on, I sit back and watch the kids as they are doing their morning chores singing at the top of their lungs...Mother, you're an angel, sent down to la la. Now what other mother has EVER accomplished a scene quite like that?

So, as I listened to them singing it (and they are getting REALLY good at it) this twisted thought came to me and I decided that I wanted them to sing it at my funeral. I can see the bishop now as he gets up to announce the song. {Insert picture of bishop at pulpit.}
"The Smith children (hopefully for my sake they're all grown and have grandchildren of their own) will now sing, Mother, you're an angel. " (Imagine his embarrassed look when it dawns on him what he just said) "Oh, uh, no pun intended."

Ok so I am a sick individual I know! But really you wont want to miss it! It will be so funny!