Saturday, December 29, 2007


I am sorry to say that I have used my quota of swear words for the year. It couldn't be helped. Ever since I learned we were going to be staying in my parents house with a dungeon/storage unit for a basement, I worked hard to prevent what happened this morning. (Don't worry mom and dad, the Lord protected all of your stuff!) I will expound...

Swear word #1: 5:00 a.m. this morning (Robert had just left for work at 4:30): Jordan comes running up from her bedroom (in the dungeon basement) and wakes me from my visit with Sharon. (I was holding one of her babies and she had moved far away and it took me so long to get there.) "Mom, there is water POURING into the basement and it is all the way into my room."
What the @%*@&?!?!?

I jump out of bed and run down stairs to see what looks like a burst pipe literally spraying water EVERYWHERE!

I have no idea where the shut off valve is, so I run to grab the phone, not having any idea of who to call. As I am dialing an unknown number (my family is in trouble when there is a real disaster!), Jordan informs me that she found the culprit...

Swear word #2: ROBERT!!!!

I grab the plunger and lift up the stuck handle, to stop the CONSTANT flow of water pouring
out onto the floor. For at least 30 minutes water had been entering the basement anyway that it could find, including but not limited to the heat vent!

I go back down stairs to assess the damage and find a mess from H. E. double toothpicks!

Not only is water all over the floor and entering the rooms and getting all of our boxes of stuff wet, it is dripping from the ceiling all over it as well. I tell Jordan to turn off the furnace because I think it is entering the furnace too.

Swear word #3: Call to Rob's work: "Rob you left me with a mess I DON'T know what to do with!"

Rob: What do you want me to do? Do you need me to come home?

Me: No. I will try to work on it until you get home this afternoon.

Swear word #4,5,6,7,8: I wade through ice cold water to get the wet vac and try to find a place to plug it in. Kinda scary when you are standing in water.

With Jordan's help, 30 trips up the stairs and one half a bathtub full of removed water later, Rob calls to see how the progress is going.

Me: We are still doing ok but can you bring some new boxes home when you come? We will need some.

Swear word #9: It is 60 degrees in the house and the furnace in fact does have water in it, and will not work. I am chilled to the bone and welcome Rob's call that he is coming home to help me. I take back one of my swear words. Rob opens the furnace and uses the blow dryer to try and dry it out. No luck.

Swear word #10: I have to break down and call the service repair man and that is like pulling teeth with me. He comes a couple of hours later and replaces a part and turns it on.

Swear word #11: The smoke alarm in the kid's room starts blaring. I run in there and start looking for smoke. None. The SMELL of the wet heat vents is rampant and is determined to be the cause of the alarms. I go back and check in with the repair man as he is pulling out the motor and other various parts to clear out more water. More mental swear words.

Swear word #?: There is a PILE of garbage that is piled up on the porch from our excavation through the water soaked debree, that I don't know what to do with. Time to call in the troops. Thanks Grandma and Grandpa Smith for helping to haul away the mess!

The rest of my swear word savings: The repair man tries the furnace again and all the smoke alarms in the whole house go off. I am hoping he knows what he is doing. All I can think about is the house that blew up last year in Saratoga Springs. As Jordan and I are praying to the smoke alarms, the repair man hands me the bill.

Swear words from my reserves: Over one and a half hundred dollars later, the repair man was gone, the heater was warming us up one more time, the majority of the water is removed, the salvageable items were reboxed and the floor was drying.

Now, was that as agonizing for you as it was for me?

A special thanks goes out to the following:

Jordan! She is really the hero in this saga! Any more time lapse and I would have been throwing out much of mom and dad's storage as well...

Rob! He has helped me appreciate all the mornings I didn't have to get up and play around in ice cold water and what not! But most of all for coming home and helping with the overwhelming project. He also ran to 4-D plumbing and got a new part for the toilet so that would NEVER happen again!

Grand Smiths! For jumping up that early in the morning and hauling all the damage away.

The repair man! As hard as it was to dish out that much money especially right after Christmas, I would never have been able to do what he did. The first minute the alarms went off, I would have been calling (or trying to call) 9/11 to come and save my family from an imminent explosion!

All the kids for hauling stuff up stairs and keeping the rest of the house under control!

And last but surely not least, to the divine intervention that kept this situation from being even worse! I truly believe that He kept that water from finding its way to my parent's things. I know this because it went EVERYWHERE else. So yes I am VERY grateful!

Friday, December 28, 2007


I found Chocolate, candy, crackers, cheese, nuts, jello, rolls...

and ate them!

This is a summary of how I feel after 10 pounds of chocolate, 3 pounds of crackers, 5 pounds of cheese, 1 whole ham, 3 packages of little smokies, and 25 pounds of other miscellaneous foods and such!

Oh yeah! I have truly assaulted my body this holiday! One more bash to survive and then it is on to my new diet!

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Sunday Showers

Meet the offender!

Meet the peacemaker.

Now meet the recipient.

Offender is accused of taking too long in the shower, thus depleting the hot water supply.

Peacemaker took a record breaking shower, in cold water, in the name of saving the recipient what little hot water had regenerated by the time she was ready.

Recipient was not really the recipient and also took record breaking shower because there was one more unsuspecting subject needing a shower!

Mom was glad she took her shower last night!

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Loud mouth child

Here are some sensible reasons you should not take your loud mouth child into the restroom with you when there are no seat covers and you have neighbors in the next stall...

Loud Mouth Child: Hey mom! How come you're not sitting down when you pee?

Me, quickly but kindly: Shhhhhhhh.

Loud Mouth Child: You should be sit... Ewe! Your pee is getting on the seat!

Me in an urgent LOUD whisper: You need to go over there and wait!

Loud Mouth Child: But MOM! How...

Me (unfortunately loud enough for the neighbors to hear): I SAID, if you want Santa to bring you a nice toy, then you will go over there and NOT say another word!

To hide my embarrassment I have decided to just tell everyone my horrific story! I promise that I wiped the seat when I was done but I WAS NOT about to sit without a seat cover! Sorry.

P.S. I don't know if this blogging thing has been so good for our family, seeing that I cannot help telling all our dirty secrets. I wonder how many of my readers, A.K.A. family, friends, lurkers, blog stalkers, and what not, I have scared off lately.

WoW, are you ready to disown me yet?

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Brooklyn funnies for today

Brooklyn was walking past Jack (name has been changed to prevent further humiliation) as he was passing gas. She said, "Yooooou FARTED! Excuuuuuuuse YOU!"

And last but surely not least...

Brooklyn must have an obsession with noses, because she inquired as to why moms and dads have hair in their nose.

My first reaction was one of shock. "ME?!?!? MY nose hair is not visible is it?"

Brooklyn: "Yep!. WHY do grownups have hair in their nose?" Trying to hide the damage to my pride and knowing that this child has a problem with eating her boogers, I took this perfect teaching opportunity and I didn't hold anything back.

Me: "Well, we ALL have hair in our noses to catch all the dirt, grime, germs and nasties in the air so it doesn't get into our bodies. And then YOU go and pick those boogers and EAT them. Gross!!!"

She let out a nervous laugh and turned green. I was sure I had cured her of her appetite for the waste in her nose, until later...but I'll spare you the details.

WHAT am I to DO?!?!?

Dr. Dirk, is there a cure for this disease? Is there a surgery to remove the offending digit/s? Are there adverse effects to shaving all her nose hairs, so as to stop the booger forming process?

Dr. Paul, can I tell her that she will go blind if this nastiness continues? Is it wrong to scare her into stopping?

Please tell me what would have worked for any of you (if you would have had a booger eater).

Monday, December 17, 2007

Baking brownies with my mom. By: Jordan

My mom said she was blogstalking (whatever that means) and found these delicious brownies she wanted to make with me...

Well here is our brownies before we did all that mint stuff with them.

Now we made the mint frosting.

We put green food coloring in it.

Then spread it on the brownies.

No, we didn't let dad take a piece of the brownies.
Instead we had to let picky Brandon take a piece out before putting mint on it. But look at the tiny piece HE got compared to the whole pan WE got to eat!

Next, we started mixing the chocolate frosting to go on top.

We spread that on. Just when I thought it was time to eat them, we had to put them in the freezer to set up!

Here is the final results. Can you see the difference?

And wala. Here is our fabulous brownies that i still didn't get to eat until at least 2hours later. JK!!

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Milestones and Headstones

It happens the moment you hold your first little one in your arms: "Oh I can't wait until they look at me and smile!" When that precious moment finally happens you find yourself longing for the day that they can roll over themselves, and then to when they can sit up themselves, until you have mentally grown them right up and out of the house.

As I have watched my kids growing, and as they have each hit a significant milestone, I have mentally tucked it away until the next child would need to reach it. But what happens when your last child has reached that milestone? Imagine the day when you never have to change their diaper again! Or when you never have to feed them again! Or when they can reach the sink and wash their OWN hands!

That is what I call turning milestones into headstones. Ever since my first child, there have been many milestones that I couldn't wait to bury. I longed for the day when I could feed my baby oatmeal and not have to bathe them right after, or to hear them ask for a drink and tell them they know how to get their own now. I longed for the day that I could send them to the sink to wash their own hands before eating. I envisioned the day that my last would able to dress herself without any more help than to tell her to try again because the clothes don't match.

At long last I have been able to turn those, and many more, milestones into headstones. Rob thinks that I am CRAZY for wanting to do a full fledged funeral for these milestones and that I will surely miss doing these daily mundane things, but until that happens, I am not hesitant in the least to give them a nice resting place among the many other headstones that I have created.

Here are some of the latest milestones turned into headstones:

Milestone: All children can get into the car and get their own seat belts on.

Headstone: Jordan-check, Brandon-check, Megan-check, Alexis-check, Brooklyn-check!

Milestone: All children can eat their food without spilling on their clean clothes, wash their own hands and faces when done and clear their dishes off the table.

Headstone: Jordan-check, Brandon-check, Megan-check, Alexis-check, Brooklyn-check!

Milestone: All children can brush their teeth, get their own jammies, potty, and climb in bed themselves.

Headstone: Jordan-check, Brandon-check, Megan-check, Alexis-check, Brooklyn-check!

Milestone: All children will wipe, flush, and wash their hands before exiting the restroom.

Headstone: Incomplete, pending unknown repeat offender/s.

Milestone: All children will do as they are asked at all times, have all their chores completed without any detail overlooked before they leave for school, will practice the golden rule at all times, will ask, "What is next mother?" when they are done completing an assigned task, and will never roll their eyes at me again when I suggest this will SOMEDAY be a headstone!

Headstone: Can't find enough granite to build such a huge headstone!

What headstones have you made? (Not that I encourage anyone to want headstones!)

Friday, December 14, 2007

Bappy dirth hay yo tou!

Moday is ty bad's dirthday! E is hixty seight. Het's lear it mor the fan!

When I was little I thought my dad had be the slowest person I knew. When he had had enough of my shinanagins (and that took quite a lot because he was also the most patient person I knew), he would start to undo his belt. I knew then that I better start running. And running I did. Somehow I was always able to run faster than that grown man. So fast in fact, I was always so far ahead of him that I never even saw him again for a good couple of hours. I always found great hiding places to hide too and he NEVER found me. I was always so proud of my get-away that I just knew when I had kids they would never outsmart me like that, because I knew all the tricks. Turns out time makes you slow down a bit and just when you thought you were pretty smart, you learn how to be grown-up smart. While I don't wear belts, I do have a wooden spoon or as some would recall, a hearing aid...

Thanks dad for "letting me get away (out of your hair)" from you, for having "mercy" on me all those times that I deserved a swift kick in the butt, and for teaching me to do the same favor for myself, I mean for my kids!

My dad had to be one of the most compassionate men I knew! I remember many nights when we had a stranger sleeping out on our lawn, or the many times that my dad invited the missionaries over for dinner at the last minute, (yeah we can all have fun with that one.), or all the hours he spent cleaning up after all the ward parties, town weddings, town meetings, and what not. If you have ever driven through Mona, or Alaska, then you probably have been saved from a flat tire as my father has cleaned the roads up of any, and all sharp objects that might puncture your tire. There are so many other things but I'm sure others would want to share those.

I am grateful for all the things my father taught me to enjoy. I have such a love for nature and simple things like the smell of fall in the air and the sound of geese as they are passing through. I was walking with him last fall before he left and he showed me a weed that was growing that smelled like fall. It smelled so good and I had to go and find some this fall. Who would have ever thought that they would miss the smell of sage brush so much that they would want you to send them some in the mail because it doesn't grow where you live (Shellbell?).

One of the other things he taught me, was a love for God and America. He taught me to be educated and learn all I could so that I could make right choices in leaders who would preserve our freedoms and liberty.

Thanks dad! I know there is so much more and I didn't even do you justice! But I know that the rest of the family will have more things to share and I will leave it to them.

I love you so much and I am so grateful to you for serving a mission. Our families are so blessed for that! Your sacrifice is so near and dear to my heart! There are untold sacrifices I am unaware of, I know, and for that, I am forever grateful!

Love, BonBon.

P.S. That nose looks strangely familiar...

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

My mother told me I should never say the d-word...

I have to defend myself on account that I let an undesirable word pass between my fingers and the keyboard in a comment forum. I have found that I have had a problem with swearing (one or two words in particular) off and on since I was a young girl. I used to go over to my best friend's house and her mom would swear, and I would sometimes find it funny.

On occasion I would hear those words pass between my own mother's lips (probably because she and my best friend's mom were friends) and I still remember what she looked like when she said one in particular. She would clench her teeth and fists while she stomped her foot. I believe she has since then repented because she is now on a mission and she used to say 'cancel, cancel' a lot.

I remember one time when I was young, letting an unfavorable word pass between my lips and my mother had her finger in my face and asked where I learned that from and if I had EVER heard her say that word. I heard my mind say yes, but my mouth was smarter and it said, no.

Here are a few things I have learned as I have been trying to dispose of this bad habit:

1. It is ok to say the word as long as you add or delete letters from the actual word itself. (I learned this from my DH because he truly never swears and this is why.)

2. It is ok to say the word if there is a baby falling down the stairs backward.

3. It is ok to say the word if you say 'cancel, cancel' afterward.

4. It is NOT ok to write a nasty letter filled with language, to a friend who always wanted to fight because she will take it to your mom.

5. As long as it is only once a month it is not considered habitual. I am NOT habitual and that is why I had to delete it from another comment.

6. There is no swearers anonymous to help you if it was habitual.

7. If you ask your mom if the b-word is a swear word and she says no, don't believe her because she is probably not paying attention to your question and probably thought you were saying dastard. She will, however, correct herself later (with her hand) after you call your little brother that abominable b-word.

8. Soap is a good deterrent when you are little and tempted to swear at your sibling, but not so effective when you are a grown up, because your mother is not around to administer it.

9. And last, but surely not least, I take full credit for this problem and I release my mother from any influence my brain thinks she may have had, and forgive her for letting me play with a friend whose mom swore, because she did not know.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Can you find the 3?

Brooklyn needs your help. Or maybe I do.

I was asked by this little darling the other day why we have a 3 on our nose. Can you find the 3?

How about now?

Sunday, December 9, 2007

How did they do?

What a stressful day at the Smith household. Too much anxiety=untold hours of torture for the rest of the family, countless hours of being guinea pigs for their "practice", and many sincere words of encouragement including but not limited to the following from Alexis who was also the "reverent child" today...

This was shared in Rob's talk and brought great laughter from the audience.

Jordan was first and took only 3 of her 5 minutes. She was so worried that if this happened, the bishop would be upset with her. What a relief for her to find out that the bishop still loved her talk and would remember her in the future when he needed a short talk.

I was so pleased with her confidence. I was so worried that she would get up there and look down the whole time and mumble through her whole talk because she is so self conscious, but she didn't. She had a smile on her face the whole time, talked clear and looked up occasionally. She did a GREAT job.

The bishop's wife was next and Rob was last. So yes, he was able to pull from his memory more of his phone call from Brother Smith.

He did WONDERFUL! He was left with extra time and he was able to fill that time. I was so proud of him and could not have done a better job if I had been asked! Just email me if you want a copy of his talk.

If any of you have ever given a talk in sacrament meeting, you can probably recall the euphoria that comes from the spiritual high that you get from giving a talk. It is great to see these two who are not used to getting up and doing this, on fire! I think they could do it again!!!

Saturday, December 8, 2007

Are you awake?

On Sharbear's post about terrible two's, the comments turned to husbands who sleep too sound to be of any great help to us wives at night. So on that note, get this!

Rob knew that Brother Smith was trying to get a hold of him to speak in our sacrament meeting. So when he called at 9:30 the other night while Rob was sleeping, I handed the phone to Rob and told him it was Brother Smith and he should probably answer it. So Rob rolls over, sits up and clears the sleepy voice out of his throat before he answers.

I hear this. "Oh no, that's fine. No, we were just getting ready for bed (at this point he had already been asleep since 8:00). Ok. Yeah I heard you were trying to call. Um...yeah. How long? Ok. Yeah I can do that. Goodbye."

Me: How long do you have to talk?

Rob: 15 minutes.

Me: What are you speaking about?

Rob: Same as Jordan.

Me: What kind of blessings do you think we have gotten (convinced for a moment myself that he was really just getting ready for bed)?

Rob (agitated with me): I'll think about it tomorrow."

The next day while I am talking to him on his way home from work he tells me that he guesses he got out of talking because Brother Smith never ended up calling him...

Friday, December 7, 2007

Speaking asignment

Rob and Jordan's world was rocked yesterday when they got the dreaded call.

It went something like this: "This is Brother Smith, I was wondering...".

They were asked to speak in our church on how our family has been blessed by the Lord, and here is me...

"ME! PICK ME! That is my song and I know how to sing it!!"

No, I am not crazy. I don't really want to speak in front of everyone, but if there is anyone on this planet who can talk about our families blessings, that would be ME! I even had Rob's whole talk written for him in my mind this morning. I pictured myself up there at the pulpit laughing and crying through the whole thing!

But alas! It was not I that was asked to tell about how our family was put into the fiery furnace of affliction to be tried and tested as Job was, (not quite as bad as Job but it felt like it sometimes). It was not I that was asked to tell about how our family took a challenge and doubled our fast offerings once so we could be more blessed, only to be blessed in ways that most would not understand. (Great and true story. Worthy of sharing sometime! Like in sacrament meeting...)

I am really NOT trying to be sarcastic. There is a sweet lesson to be learned from our families trials in this life and I would love to tell it. I have determined to sit down one day and write it all down, but not for Rob to use for his talk. I would NEVER rob (no pun intended) him of this opportunity to share the sweet lessons he has learned from our family's mishaps, I mean blessings. Besides, had we not gone through all we did, I can testify that Rob would not be ok with the idea of giving a talk in sacrament meeting.

Look forward to a summary of Rob and Jordan's talk. I think I am more frightened for Rob getting up there than I would be myself, and despite my supposed enthusiasm above, that would be pretty darn scared!