Private reflections-I had a bad day...

Just gonna vent for a minute, but stay tuned, there is a happy ending. (Probably in 2010?)

I have been having a tough time with work.

Since I got my new account back in September, it has been stressful. I left an amazing supervisor and an amazing account and got a so-so account and a tough supervisor. I would use the words impersonal and tart to describe her, which isn't all that bad, but you know, it has just been tough. Did I already say that? When you don't ever get much positive feedback, it doesn't feel very rewarding. Well last night was the straw that broke the camel's back. I won't bore you with the details, but in the aftermath, I went to bed crying and vowed to quite and go find another job. After I calmed down, I just told Heavenly Father that I know we can't make it without this job, but I just could not. go. on. anymore. You know those times. Then a thought came to me. Heavenly Father made it possible for me to have this great job that I can do at home. He put into motion all that had to happen so I could help support this family when the time came. If he could do that, then he could help me through this, right? But how? Learning a new account takes a lot of time and I basically don't make much money in the process. I decided it was a long shot, but I would check with my old supervisor about my old account, and wouldn't you know it, she said the account is drowning with work and she would be elated to have me back. She made me feel like the most important person in her life, just like before. I broke down crying again. Of course she couldn't hear me through Yahoo messenger, so I didn't feel so embarrassed. She said the account is ready for me anytime. Now I am in the process of trying to explain to my supervisor why I would want to leave my current account. She doesn't think I am serious about leaving. They are rethinking their denial of my request for a raise last week. I am not sure at this point it would persuade me. I will update as I am sure this will take the rest of the day to get worked out. But there is hope...

UPDATE many years later in 2018:  I didn't get to go back to my old account and actually got in trouble for contacting my old supervisor.  I put my big girl panties on and somehow continued to work on this account, and it even got bearable.  In 2015, after the workload seemed so sporadic that I was working very unpredictable hours, just to get my hours in, I made the decision to quit and I did daycare full time.  I am still so grateful to this day for the opportunity to work from home, while my kids needed me here.

The faith of a child

Warning: If you have a weak stomach, stop here.

Alexis has had 3 bloody noses in the last 2 days. I had been meaning to put some Vaseline inside her nose to help moisten the membranes up and hopefully help stop the bleeds. Today, when she was walking home from school (7 minutes away), she got another one.

I was outside working and it was still bleeding when she came to show me, but it was not bad. I figured it was almost over. I had her tip her head forward and after a few minutes I checked her and she was holding out a tissue with the biggest blood clot I had ever seen. It was as long as a pencil and even thicker. The blood was now dripping out of both nostrils at an alarming rate for a bloody nose. I had NEVER seen anything like it. She must have seen my concern because she started to shake and cry. I stood by her and helped to put pressure on the bridge of her nose (which I learned later from my SIL who is a EMT that is not the right way) and she saturated many more tissues. I even had her lay back even though I have heard that is wrong too. Another large clot came out and the blood was still flowing like a faucet. At this point we were probably 15 minutes into the nose bleed and I called Rob to come over so we could get her ready to take over to the ER if we couldn't get it under control. I am not one to panic easily, and something as simple as a nosebleed normally would never get me worked up, but I started to wonder if this was out of my hands. Rob had the thought to call his sister, Heather, and she told us to have her bend over without the pressure on her nose, which we did. As we switched out the tissue, there was a third large clot not much smaller than the other 2. Alexis said she felt like throwing up and was visibly distraught. Rob was as white as a ghost and had to walk away for a minute.

I was ready to load her into the car when she stopped shaking and crying and very matter of factly said, "Mom, I am going to pray." As I held the tissue to her nose, she closed her eyes and folded her arms. I am not sure what she said, but the most amazing calm came over both of us. When she was done, she very calmly sat down and said that she knew it would stop. I checked the bleeding again, and except for a few drips, I could tell that it was letting up. I took her into the house and had her sit down. She said she felt really tired, so I know she really lost a good amount of blood. We gave her some water and a protein drink and she ate an orange. She perked right back up and was on cloud nine.

I have dealt with many bloody noses in my life, but I have NEVER seen anything like that one. Today, I know that right there on that lawn, in the midst of panic and worry, God heard and answered a little girl's prayers. When Alexis stood there and folded her arms and closed her eyes in prayer, I felt like I was standing on holy ground. I just stood there and watched her and she seemed to glow. She was so calm. I know that if the veil could have been parted at that moment, I would have seen angels attending her. I just stood there in wondering awe at what had just tangibly and physically happened. I am not sure if I was more in awe of the healing that had just taken place or at the perfect faith of this very special spirit who was MY daughter. I am so grateful to have witnessed that miracle.

Tonight, I put some Vaseline in her nose. I was worried that doing so would cause it to bleed again. Nothing happened and I am hoping never to experience a nose bleed like that again.

Make Believe

Most of you know, I have been doing a lot of family history so we can take those names to the temple to have their saving ordinances performed. It has been an amazing experience and many blessings have come to our family from it. I have seen the Lord's hand in this work. But that will make an excellent post for later.

Alexis and Brooklyn have loved sitting with me at the computer searching for ancestors. We type the names into the computer and add them to the temple list. Sometimes I am working with hundreds of names at a time. After I get them printed at the temple, the kids have fun helping me sort through them and get them in alphabetical order and put them in their proper place in the files. They usually never tire of helping with it.

The other night I found some cards that had been accidentally duplicated so I tore them in half and asked Brooklyn to throw them in the garbage for me. Instead of throwing them away, she asked if she could keep them and use them for pretend money. When I said no for the obvious reason of the mess I would find later, she persisted. "Please! mom. I just want to keep them soooo bad!"

"No Brooklyn. They will just end up on the floor later and make a big mess."

"No I promise! I won't leave them there. If I do then you can tell me to throw them away and I will! Puuuuhleeeeeez!"

"No."

"But mom! maybe I want to pretend to do temple work with them."

Melt. My. Heart.

You wouldn't believe how quick I was able to find some other cards to add to her "temple work."