Helping with homework 101

Today I had the opportunity to think back on all those times I wondered WHY we had to learn this stupid thing or that stupid thing in school. The teacher's answers always seemed to elude the truth and never seemed to suffice. Why didn't they just come right out and say it. Why not come clean and just say "the reason you are here learning this difficult stuff is because you will need to help your kids someday with all the homework they have and they will. need. your. wisdom. "

Why not just tell me that some day I might look at my kid like she was from a different planet when she tried to teach ME what she does know so that I could pretend I already know and try to teach her what I forgot.

Why didn't they just give me a clue that I would spend countless hours wallowing all over the floor in great despair as I tried not to pull out my kid's my hair.

If they would have just told me those things, I would have paid more attention and tried harder to remember the... stuff. Instead I filed it under "useless info the teacher said I will need this someday, but I don't believe him" and now I am paying dearly.

"That is NOT how my teacher taught me to do it!"

"That is fine dear but please remember, they are teaching things wrong different these days. I would know. I learned this one time you know. This is how MY teacher taught me how to do it. "

"Why do we have to learn this stupid stuff anyway?!?!?"

And her teachers wonder why she is so confused.

But... they could have saved themselves a great headache if they would have just told me all this in the first place.

By the typing of keyboards, who remembers how to do integers and linagers (is that a word?) and so forth? Are/were you prepared for this?

P.S. If you need a great funny today, check this out.

Out of the mouth and into the archives

  Autumn: It is so hard to be righteous sometimes don't you think?
Megan: Yeah, it's especially hard for me. I have too many brothers and sisters.

Dear School Board,

I hate early out day. Well let's see, that might have been a little harsh, maybe I should say, I loath early out day, or it happens to be an inconvenience for me especially when I have a kindi-gartener and it only comes once a week, or when it sneaks up on me (on a day like today) and my daughter still looks like this ...

...and I think I still have 45 minutes to get her ready and feed her lunch but really I only have five minutes. On a day like today she might have missed her lunch, but no big deal because it is early out day. She will be back sooner than I thought. I dislike early out day...

Sincerely,

a mother who loves her children dearly and loves every minute she gets to spend with them and loves to have a set schedule that she can expect their departure and their arrival to and from school. This mother does not like surprises on a day like today when the beloved children grace her with their presence before she was expecting them.

P.S. You don't really need a teacher prep day do you?

Encore: Here is another view of this very funny picture. When your kid hardly EVER takes a nap (like maybe oh, every three months if even that) and she ends up in the middle and ON top of all of her toys, it becomes a spectacle. I found her this way just when I needed to get her ready for school. Oh how I wanted to let her sleep. Not quite sure how she ended up with the Bob the Builder hat on. Can't figure out how that goes with the whole doll house theme or dolls, or whatever else she might have been playing with there. So go ahead... have fun with this picture. What caption would you give it? You can make fun of all the toys that are out of place, or that she is still in her nighty at near noon, I really don't care. I already have...

Got Fruit?

Not too long ago there was a family from Mexico that moved into our neighborhood and within a week they had sent their kid out to all of the neighbors and invited them over for a Mexi-que so they could get to know everyone. My kids went over and got to try all kinds of great food they had never even seen or heard of before. Since they have moved in, there has been this "candy truck" that has drove past and stopped at their house for awhile. My kids kept running in to me with puppy dog eyes, desperation evident in their faces as well as absolute I-am-going-to-die crazy pleading for understanding that the "candy truck" was so close AGAIN and they really needed some money and since they didn't have any could I just hand them some. Knowing that they are definitely NOT deprived of candy I would reply in the negative and their puppy dog eyes would turn to devil eyes and their desperation would get more wild, "but moooom it is sooo close! Don't you understand!?!?" When that didn't work the tears would start and the stomping off to their room or out the doors came next.

First of all I have never heard of a "candy truck " and the one time I happened to be outside when it drove by in all its glory, I still did not get what kind of candy truck it really was.

During a particular "candy truck" episode I saw the familiar cycle start; puppy dog eyes, devil eyes, wet eyes, no eyes. It did not dawn on me what was happening until it was over. I had thought I heard Brandon running up to his room with a friend whispering and then back out the door as fast as he came in. At the time I was busy staving off the little ones during their puppy-dog-eye phase. After the ordeal was over and the little ones had run off with their weepings, wailings and gnashings of teeth, one of the older kids came running to tell me that Brandon had went to the "candy truck" with his money and he bought fruit flavoring. They were all giggling at him as he came to show me. He looked beaten at his own game.

"I couldn't read any of the labels on any of the 'candy' so I asked the Mexican man if I could just buy this. It looked good; just wasn't sure what it was. He kind of looked at me weird but sold it to me anyway. " Sure enough, this little bottle of fruit flavoring looked good enough to eat. It even had a cute little lid that opened so you could shake it right onto your fruit. It might have fooled me too as the English translation of "Fruit Flavoring" could only be found at the very bottom. After we got all our giggles out we set about to find some fruit in the house. Not having anything other than bananas, they became the hot item as the brave kids peeled, shook and tasted.

Moral of this story? If your kids come running to you wanting money for the "candy truck," save yourself, and them, the weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth and tell them that it is not a candy truck at all, but maybe just a Mexican Schwans man who will sell them fruit flavoring if they want.

His first, my first, our first

We got an itch to take the fam for a day out. We weren't intending to end up on this trail that led to a... place. I hadn't been on this trail for over 14 years. Would we remember how to get there? After all it is a place that holds hilarious romantic memories for us and a place I have wanted to revisit. Never mind that we had the dog and four of our five kids with us, they were eager to see this place too. With flip flops, giggles and a twinkle in our eye we set out. It was an adventure indeed.

This is the first landmark I recognized.

We crossed the river 1852 countless times. This is where my flip flops came in handy.

Wild raspberries were not expected but cherished.

"Is this the place mom?" and "are we there yet?" became the whine of choice was asked at every turn.

Awe the cave! We are almost there.

I don't remember the moo cows. They could have been there though...

Rob: Hmmm. Did we pass it? I remember it being this way.

BonBon: Well I remember it being this way.

Anonymous kid: I am surprised you remembered anything at all...

Why?! Why do we have to turn back? We wanted to see it!

Anonymous kid #2: Yeah we wanted to see where you had your first (giggle, snicker)...

Anonymous kid #3: SMOOCH! (giggle, giggle, snort, snort!)

Anonymous kid #4: Ewe!