Monday, April 7, 2008

Spiritual Feast

After this weekend and the previous unforgettable (for many reasons) weekend, I feel like my cup is running over with the almost tangible love that my Heavenly Father has for me. There were so many delightful and informative things that I heard from our beloved prophet and church leaders but just as impressing are the things that I heard from the spirit.

I was telling my children after conference about the difference between feelings that come from Satan and the feelings that come from our Heavenly Father. The last couple of months have been a very hard adjustment as I have tried to juggle a full time job with being a full time mom and if you add that up there are not enough hours in the day to cover those two jobs. I was not being a good visiting teacher even though I encouraged others to be, I haven't been to the temple in many months and my house was falling apart. Things were really piling up and I felt bankrupt. Of course there were all the thoughts that came with that of guilt, despair, feelings of not being good enough and just wanting to give up everything. As I listened to conference, I had a whole different feeling. As I listened to the speakers talk I was gently reminded of the things that I needed to be doing. It was in no way the same feelings I had been experiencing. Instead I felt a resounding YES, you are right, I need to be doing those things! And I walked away with a great desire to do them. What a difference and mighty change of heart. I have truly feasted this weekend.

Last weekend I braved the unknown and went into the BIG city. As I have told before it was scary and unnerving. But I promised to tell you the second half. I was actually waiting for Jordan to tell it because she wanted to but never got to it.

As we got in and found our seat I was finally able to relax and look around at the beautiful conference center. I started to feel the spirit so strong. The meeting was so beautiful and Jordan and I both had tears through most of the meeting. That was worth the nightmare of getting there to see my daughter so touched; But how could she not be? The talks were all focused on Heavenly Father's love for us and I felt like I got to have His arms around me for just a moment. The choir was amazing; much more so than just watching it on TV. It came to an end all too soon and people were getting up to leave before the last song. The anxiety kicked in and I almost grabbed Jordan so we could make a mad dash, but for some reason I stayed there. It was a song for the audience to join in on and I could hardly sing. I felt like there were angels there singing with us, but as I did sing I almost felt like I was shouting out the words, because that is what I felt like doing. I had to look around and make sure that no one was giving me dirty looks for drowning out everyone else.

As we left we got to be a part of another event that I would have missed if I had run from it like I wanted to earlier. We were swept out the door by a SEA of beautiful young women and their mothers in dresses who had braved the trip to be here. That was another testimony to Jordan and I of the truthfulness of this gospel. It was a beautiful sight to behold. I tried to get pictures of it but I did not do it justice. We watched as people came out of the conference center and fill the streets. It reminded me of ants that filled any available space as they moved along. People in cars were taking pictures with their phones and someone from out of state stopped to ask what event this was. I felt so good inside as someone answered that we were coming from the General Conference. She didn't have a clue what they were talking about, but I bet she never forgot that sight. It was beautiful.

The 1-1/2 hour ride home was also priceless (after we got back on the freeway). Jordan and I got to have one of those heart to hearts were I got to explain many of life's mysteries to her. She shared many things with me and I cringed as I thought of what I would have missed out on if I had talked her into staying home.


Pineapple Princess said...

Thank you for sharing. I am glad we got to hear the rest of the story and your insights from conference. I go thru a range of emotions too. Mostly that I am scolding my kids so that I can feel the spirit that I just chased away. This time I learned I needed prepare them better and had a wonderful conference packet that helped keep them focused.

It was all so beautiful.

Bonnie said...

Yeah, I heard about that packet. Why didn't you share?

Tamster said...

Yeah, PiP, why didn't you share?

Bonnie, your words were beautiful! Thank you for sharing Jordan's and your sweet experience with us and for also sharing your testimony. It is amazing going there; I love it and am not bothered so much by the crowd leaving either; it's like you leave feeling more patient and kind. I've actually always been kind of annoyed when I've been to large meetings like that or like CES firesides at the Marriott Center, for example, when people would leave early before the closing prayer during the closing song or whatever just to beat the rush. That's always bugged me because first of all they are missing out on closing the meeting properly and being a part of that, secondly they are disturbing everyone else who is trying to be a part of that and detracting from the Spirit, and thirdly it just always seemed to me that after being at the meeting for that long what's a few more minutes and are they really saving anything or is it really worth leaving early just to save those few minutes when they came for that purpose?! In fact, I am one to stay and linger longer. I like to sit for a few minutes and enjoy the Spirit a little longer while letting the crowd dissipate. It's hard to leave at all, let alone early. I'm glad you felt that feeling as well and that it calmed your anxiety.
Okay, I've rambled long enough. Thank you again for sharing.
And PiP, I'm with you. We had plenty of the scolding kids to get them quiet so we can feel the Spirit we just chased away. Sometimes I think that they'd learn more by watching us paying attention than by listening to us scold them, but it's a lot easier said than done when we're having a hard time hearing over them. I was going to try to find something for Jessica to do, now that she can read, but I forgot or ran out of time or something. Anyway... again, enough rambling. Sorry.
Thanks for your thoughts! :-)

Huck Finn & Co. said...

I truly was touched when I heard our Prophet speak. What a wonderful feeling to have he spirit testify that he is indeed our Prophet today.
I wish I could have been with you for the Young Women's Conference. What an experience it must have been!

sharebear said...

That was truly one of the most amazing conferences I've heard. The spirit was so strong. It was the stuff I've had in my heart for these past couple of months. It was like the spirit was just reconfirming to me what I have been feeling and thinking lately. I had the same feeling of just wanting to do what I know is right, but now today I'm back to my ornery bear self. 'Oh wretched woman that I am'. This is when I know I can't do it alone, that I need the Savior to help me overcome these feelings. I know that if I put my trust in Him and not in man, I can overcome.
And thanks for sharing part 2. How neat to be able to share that experience with your daughter.

kenandshaney said...

Oh Bonnie you have brought tears to my eyes just thinking about your wonderful experience and hearing your testimony. I really struggled for years with listening to my heart on alot of matters concerning the gospel and was then blessed to go through some amazing experiences like Courtneys accident and getting Kaleigh that have strengthened my testimony. But it takes work to maintain. Conference was so amazing and was just what I needed. It is so interesting to talk to others because we each were touched by a certian message or speaker according to what our hearts and spirits needed. Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us. You are an amazing person and I am so grateful for your example to me. I hope that I can have the relationship with my daughter that you have with yours!

Cindy said...

Those one on ones are priceless. So happy for you!

mamabearharder said...

You and Jordan both deserved to have a wonderful time together after all of that chaos in the big city! Tell Rob thanks for letting us kidnap you for lunch at yummy Cafe Rio :) I had a wonderful time with all of my sisters!!!!!!!